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  • Ang Bee

Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

Updated: Mar 11, 2019

Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for iHeartMedia.

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They break up. The end, right? Hardly ever is it that simple.


Break ups can be extremely hard, especially when the love runs deep. It's natural to want to reconcile and give the relationship another try…but, is it worth a second chance? In most case, isn’t the same unresolved issues that occurred during the relationship still there? In TIMES magazine, human development and family science professor, Kale Monk, stated relationship cycling has been linked to increased symptoms of depression and anxiety. The on-and-off cycle in itself can create an emotional roller-coaster, let alone the process of reliving the same issues like inability to communicate effectively, broken trust, and infidelity.


Although all relationships do end for a reason, not all of them end on bad terms. Sometimes taking a break from someone can make you realize how truly special they are and a new-found appreciation and love may emerge. Look at celebrity couples like Gabrielle Union - Dwayne Wade and Jessica Biel - Justin Timberlake. A little time a part for these couples led to a commitment of a lifetime together. However, before jumping back into a previous relationship, it's important to make sure all prior issues are resolved and both parties are willing to make it work. Psychology researcher, Mariana Bockarova Ph.D, in Psychology Today states:

If your desire to return to a past partner is strong, answer these four questions before going back: Why did you break up? Are you going back for the right reasons? Are you truly committed to making it work? Is your partner on the same page?

Most times we find comfort in situations that are familiar to us - this does not always equate to what is good for us. It is best to ensure you are not reuniting a past relationship out of loneliness or because the heartbreak seems too hard to bear. In the moment, the pain from a breakup may appear to be the end of the world, but there is hope as this feeling usually fades over time. However, those who find a breakup too challenging to cope with can reach out to a therapist or relationship coach who can aid in the healing process and help with improving the quality of future relationships.


Once you have completely healed yourself, incorporating aspects of self-love, take time to really reflect on your past situations and identify the things you can learn and grow from. Understand your likes, dislikes, desires, and deal breakers before entering into a new relationship. In the meantime, hopefully your ex-partner will be doing the same before any discussion of rekindling a past relationship. If the relationship is something that is truly meant to be, it will be - don't force it.



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