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  • Ang Bee

Clingy, Much? Codependent Relationships

Updated: Nov 8, 2019

In the crazy and hectic world we live in, peace of mind is so invaluable. When you're overwhelmed by the noise of constant demands, feeling the pressure of deadlines, and have life's responsibilities weighing you down, you tend to appreciate the simple things that bring you tranquility. Lately for me and it appears for many other singles, relationships have not been one of them.

Ideally, relationships should add joy, love, and value to our lives. However the key word is add - our relationships with others should not be the mere essence of our happiness. Issues occur in relationships when we become dependent on others for our sense of self-worth. Personally, being responsible for someone's contentment is too much to deal with. Why would someone put such a daunting task on other human being? What is the cause of this codependent behavior?

According to Mental Health America, codependent relationships or relationship addiction, stems from dysfunctional families. A child who suppressed their emotions, witnessed addiction, was victim to verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is likely to participate in co-dependent relationships as an adult. Those growing up in a dysfunctional family most likely put the well-being of others before their own. This could lead to being involved in prolonged one-sided relationships where a yearning to feel loved and validated by their partner is evident. When validation is received and their well-being is cared for, they experience a heightened sense of euphoria but also experience extreme resentment when they do not feel loved or appreciated by their mate. It is also believed that these behaviors can be passed down from generation to generation if not addressed properly.

To break the cycle of being dependent on others for self-love, a person must explore things that occurred during their childhood to find the root causes affecting their relationships. They can begin by asking themselves the following questions: What am I seeking in my relationships that I did not receive as a child? What would it take to make me truly happy (outside of relationships)? Identifying these things is the first step, the next is finding ways to fulfill those desires on one's own. Whether it's through self-discovery, counseling, mending relationships, or releasing past hurt, this self-fulfillment will provide a boost to the self-esteem and begin the process of healing.

When we begin relationships with others, we bring our whole selves, past, present, and future. This is true even if our whole self is not fully complete or is still in the process of healing. We also bring with us our aspirations, our expectations, and our baggage. The key is to pack light, bring your own peace, love, and happiness to the piconic, and enjoy the pleasant company of one another.

Are you codependent? Take the Mindcology quiz below to find out

The Quick And Easy Codependency Quiz

For assistance with codependency or addition visit: North Point Discovery

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